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Toyfriend Envy

By Venus O'Hara

Sex toys are designed to provoke sexual pleasure and orgasms. However, for some individuals, the opposite is true. I’m talking about Toyfriend Envy, of course. If you are unfamiliar with this phenomenon, let me enlighten you. Toyfriend Envy - or T.E. for short - can occur when someone’s sex toy collection provokes feelings of inadequacy in their significant other.

As the proud owner of hundreds and hundreds of adult novelties, it goes without saying that any T. E. sufferer should steer well clear of me. My flat is a living nightmare for them. There are dozens of dildos on display on my shelves and my bedroom contains more pleasure devices than many sex shops I know. Despite this, I have witnessed several T.E. attacks in my time.

The first time I encountered a sufferer, it was due to the sheer size of my self-pleasuring devices. You see, he only saw the total length of my rabbit vibrator and panicked. He did not take into consideration that the insertable length was a lot less significant. Typically, it’s only a third or a half of the toy at most. So in actual fact, it’s not as big as it first appears.

On another occasion, I came across T.E. when one sufferer, in particular, complained that I moaned louder during my sex toy orgasm than with him. I confess that I’ve been guilty of this on more than one occasion. The situation arose when he told me that he wanted to see me masturbate. Naturally, I was only too happy to make his dream a reality so I got my favourite clitoral stimulator out and got down to it.

In spite of his initial enthusiasm, he eventually regretted it when I reached my climax. ‘You don’t come like that when you’re with me,’ he said looking down at the floor, feeling sorry for himself. I didn’t come like that when I was enjoying a solo-gasm either. But, combine a great sex toy with the added stimulant of my lover staring at me, and it was enough to turn a ‘run of the mill’ orgasm into something epic. I tried to explain this to him, but he just didn’t believe me.

??Despite the advances in technology, sextech is still a long way away from emulating the sensations that only a human can provide. For example, there have been many efforts to create oral sex simulators. As a professional sex toy tester, I have even had the opportunity to try lots of them. Nothing, however, comes close to skilful cunnilingus delivered by a willing partner. Moreover, what could possibly replace a caress, a tickle or even a warm kiss?


There’s no doubt in my mind that humans have way more settings than even the most sophisticated sex toys. When I'm using a toy, I'm thinking of human sexual interactions. Whereas when I’m with a human, I’m certainly not thinking about sex toys!

??As well as the physiological possibilities, there is also the emotional side of things to take into consideration. Oftentimes, your emotional responses can intensify the physiological ones and a simple caress can mean so much more and penetrate you in ways that you could never imagine. ??Thankfully, cases of T.E are currently on the decline. This is because sex toys are becoming more normalised. More and more people are starting to embrace them and incorporate them into their sex lives - with and without their partners. In fact, one of the fastest growing categories of late is the couple’s sex toy one. ??Despite this trend, I won't be joining in. Whenever I have the opportunity to be with a human, all of my sex toys are left in their respective boxes, gathering dust. I just want to enjoy feeling my naked body against someone else's. The warmth, the butterflies in my belly, and the frissons every time they touch me. But most importantly, I want to do all the things that I was imagining when I was with my toyfriends. ??