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I’ll never forget my first yoga class. It was during an incredibly stressful time in my life. I was in a relationship that I knew deep down I had to end. In fact, my head had been saying ‘no’ right from the beginning, but my body had other ideas. This was because I was hooked on the explosive sex life we shared. I was also working for a company that was having financial problems and I was desperately trying to find another job, but all I received were rejection emails.
Needless to say, I felt like my life was seriously out of control. In order to find some respite, one day it occurred to me that yoga might be just what I needed to provide me with the peace of mind that I craved so much.
It was a Thursday evening after work when I went to the trial class at a well-known yoga school in the centre of Barcelona. As soon as I walked through the door, I felt like I had entered another world. This was due to the hypnotic aroma of Nag Champa incense. It was combined with the sound of gentle Indian flute music playing in the background and soft lighting. It was like a sacred oasis. Yes, this was just what I needed, I said to myself.
‘Can I help you?’ A voice asked as I was absorbing my surroundings.
I turned around and that’s when I saw her, Estefania, my first yoga teacher. I was struck by her soft gentle voice, inquisitive green eyes, natural appearance with no makeup, and long, dark hair tied in a low ponytail. She was dressed like a typical yogi: a tank top and tight leggings that emphasised her slight yet toned body. Despite her obvious physical charms, I was most struck by her aura of tranquillity. It was almost therapeutic.
I explained that I wanted to do a trial class and that I had never tried yoga before. She told me not to worry and she explained some basics about the sun salutation and breathing techniques. Although I was grateful for her detailed explanations, during the class which comprised 12 students, I had already forgotten everything. I felt incredibly awkward and self-conscious compared to the more advanced yogis who were already at the headstand and splits level. When Estefania noticed my malaise, she would always come to me to correct my poses and attempt to reassure me.
The real special treatment occurred during the meditation part of the class, right at the end. We were all lying down on our mats, face up. She dimmed the light and there was only candlelight. ‘Imagine a lake’, she began, before she led us on a meditative journey through nature. Her voice was perfect, the kind you might hear on a self-help tape. We were all oblivious to the sound of traffic outside and when she got to the end of her tale, she allowed us to have 5 minutes in silence.
I lay in the darkness, absorbing this new experience, still imagining the lake from the guided meditation. Even though I was in a room full of strangers, it seemed like we were all sharing an intimate experience. My mind was wandering far away and all of a sudden, to my surprise, I noticed Estefania’s hands cradling my head. I tensed with surprise.
‘Ssshhh... ‘ she whispered softly in my ear, before proceeding to give me a gentle neck and head massage. I felt so grateful as it seemed like the thing I most desired and she must have read my mind. She must be able to see how stressed I was - I thought to myself.
After a few moments, the caresses ceased and the class was over. I said goodbye and I felt as though I was floating as I made my way home. I knew I’d be back for more and that’s precisely what I did. Every single Thursday.
Over the following weeks, my strength and flexibility improved enormously. Despite my progress, I still continued to receive ‘special treatment’ from Estefania. I thought I was getting special treatment because I was a new and inexperienced yogi. She always corrected my poses and I couldn’t help but notice that when other new students started, Estefania didn’t take them under her wing as she had done with me.
Our most intimate exchanges occurred during the meditation part at the end. I would lie in the darkness full of excitement and anticipation for her to come to me as she always would. Her soothing touch provoked all sorts of unexpected sensations within my body. Although she aimed to relax me, it also caused certain tensions beneath my skin. I had always been bicurious, but I had never met a woman that inspired me to turn my fantasies into reality. But Estefania was provoking all sorts of new ideas in my head.
I felt special. It was like I was her chosen one. This was our little secret and I loved it. I confess that our connection motivated me more than the yoga itself. Barely any words were spoken between us. It was purely an exchange of energy and desire. And despite this, we could hardly look at each other in the eyes, let alone have a conversation.
I didn’t need to know all about her life. All I knew was that I was reacting to her in a way that was unfamiliar to me. After the classes, I would go home and continue the exploration of myself where her hands had left off. I explored my naked body with soft delicate caresses imagining that they were hers. I couldn’t help but wonder what it would be like to hug a naked woman and to feel her soft skin against mine and especially to discover what it would be like to rub my naked breasts against hers.
My clitoris throbbed uncontrollably just at the thought of it. My only relief at that time was to have wild sex with my boyfriend. Even though the sex we had was physically very unlike what I was imagining, it was all that was on offer and I intended to make good use of it. I even explained to him about my sapphic fantasies with Estefania and it even turned him on too.
When my desire was at an all-time high, I went to yoga class. To my horror, there was another teacher giving it. I thought it might be a one-off. No explanation about Estefania’s whereabouts was given and I didn’t ask either. I hoped that she would be back the following week, but she wasn’t. In fact, I never saw her again. Although the other teacher was perfectly nice and professional, somehow I didn’t feel inspired to continue with my yoga practice at that time.
Despite this, in my mind, I have revisited that yoga class time and time again. I am always the only student there as I receive a very special, private yoga class with Estefania. I stimulate myself as I remember her and how she made me feel. In my mind, our classes always reach an orgasmic conclusion. Over and over again.
Soon after I quit yoga, I achieved my objectives of inner peace, I left my boyfriend and I found a new job. It took me several years to resume my yoga practice and although I love it, these days my motives are more to do with the well-documented benefits it offers rather than the fulfilment of my erotic fantasies. Well, never say never.
I still think about Estefania from time to time, and ask myself, what if?
One can only wonder what might have been.