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By Cyndi Darnell
One of the most common reasons women seek my services is to address their orgasm problems. For most of us, having an orgasm requires a combination of skill, concentration, trust, lubrication, a good vibrator, luck, feeling relaxed and a patient partner.
But without doubt, the following tips are crucial to helping create the Big O for you or your partner
1. Pleasure Is Essential.
Most women do not orgasm from penis-in-vagnia (PIV) sex so expecting that to be the thing is unhelpful. Instead, focus on what feels good to bring you pleasure. If you’ve never had an orgasm ever, practice climaxing alone to get your body used to it, and feeling confident you’re able to do it. For partnered sex, many women find that slow caresses of the body, building up arousal and then including hand or oral stimulation of the clitoris is the thing that is most satisfying. Others enjoy role play, dress ups or watching porn. No matter what gets you in the mood, PIV is a side dish, not the main course for women’s pleasure and orgasm.
2. Clitoral Stimulation During PIV
If you really want to experience an orgasm from PIV, make sure you get some kind of clitoral stimulation either from a hand or toy. There is nothing wrong with that and in fact, clitoral stimulation for orgasm is as crucial as penile stimulation for orgasm. It may be helpful to discuss this with your partner if they feel uneasy about their penis not being the thing that gets you off.
3. Muscle Tone
A good pelvic floor workout through Pilates can enhance the quality of your orgasms. Kegels alone only work one muscle (the PC muscle that controls the flow of pee) in the group that forms the pelvic floor, so consider a full Pilates routine to get strong and toned, but not so tight you’re in pain.
4. Try New Positions
For some women, the distance between the clitoris and the vaginal opening makes climax from PIV easier. While you cannot change your anatomy, you can experiment with new positions that stimulate your clitoris regardless of its placement. You on top getting clit stimulation through grinding; or on your back or on all 4s using a vibe can all be great ways to get the orgasm going. Don’t be afraid to discuss what gets you off with your partner. Choose a time other than the middle of sex, ideally when you’re not having sex and just hanging out. Less pressure and more likely you’ll have their full attention. The more they know, the more they’ll be able to offer assistance.
5. Get and Stay Present
The number one thing that sexually satisfied women have in common in that their mind is on the job. Thinking about everything except what you’re doing is a sure fire way to get distracted and lose focus. If getting in the mood is hard, allow time for the build-up. In some cases it can take a while, so again, talk to your partner about what they can do to support you in this. Basic mind training like meditation and mindfulness in non-sexy contexts can help with this, giving you the skills to stay focused when your need it, both in and out of bed.